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AllPosters.com is the world's #1 seller of posters, prints, photographs, specialty products and framed art. We're dedicated to bringing our customers the best selection of high quality wall décor that is perfect for their home or office. Browse our catalog of over 300,000 items that include entertainment and specialty posters, decorative prints, and art reproductions. Whether you're looking for your favorite movie or music poster, a framed Monet reproduction, or a print of the Eiffel Tower you will find it at AllPosters.com. Visit our Amazon store today at www.amazon.com/allposters to find Special Offers and search by subject category or artist. AllPosters.com provides unmatched service with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. We ship internationally to over 80 countries. Decorate your home today with your favorite pictures.

:  Giclee Print Title: Wiley Post Was Once Forced Into an Emergency Landing and Had to Ask a Local Yachtsman For Help, Artist: English School, Size: 18 x 24 inches
Company: AllPosters.com 
List Price: 
Amazon Price: $49.99
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Tags:   Wiley Post Forced Emergency Landing Local Yachtsman Help Art Giclee Poster Print English School 18x24

Art.com is the world's largest retailer of art prints, posters, photographs, and framed artwork. With our huge selection of over 400,000 prints, you'll easily find the perfect piece for your home, office, or classroom. Our art is printed on quality paper. When you order framed artwork, the piece is built by our team of in-house professionals. Visit our Amazon store today at www.amazon.com/artdotcom to find Special Offers and search for products based on 'Artist Name' and 'Subject Categories' such as Movie, Music, Vintage, TV, Children, Travel, Kitchen, Museum Art, Animals, Floral, Motivational, and Sports. Art.com is dedicated to providing you with high quality products and service by offering you 100% satisfaction guaranteed. We ship internationally to over 80 countries. Decorate your home today with your favorite pictures that express and celebrate your distinct tastes.

Kitchen:  Print Title: Wiley Post Was Once Forced Into an Emergency Landing and Had to Ask a Local Yachtsman For Help, Artist: English School, Size: 18 x 24 inches, Please visit www.amazon.com/artdotcom to check for promotions from time to time.
Company: Art.com 
List Price: 
Amazon Price: $49.99
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Tags:   Wiley Post Forced Emergency Landing Local Yachtsman Help Giclee Poster Print English School 18x24

Experience the American Journey through our country's visual heritage in this historical recording provided by the National Archives of the United States.

This video recording provides information for communities wishing to expand emergency flood and shelter programs, and/or cover current operating expenses not eligible for federal reimbursement.

This historical recording from the National Archives may contain variations in audio and video quality based on the limitations of the original source material.

The content summary for this DVD is adapted from an historical description provided by the government agency or donor at the time of production release. This product is manufactured on demand using DVD-R recordable media. Amazon.com's standard return policy will apply.

DVD:  NTSC
Company: National Archives and Records Administration 
List Price: 
Amazon Price: 
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Tags:   Emergency Food Shelter Board Program Federal Dollars Local Concerns 1990

Built in fall detectors AUTOMATICALLY send "Call for Help" signal whenever resident is in horizontal position. Worn on necklace, belt-clip or attached to resident or clothing above the waist. On-Off switch. AT-900 up to 1,000 ft. range for 900MHz products. AT-300 up to 100 ft. range for extended range products.

Health and Beauty:  Used in conjunction with ERU-900, CC-900, and WA-900, Detects fall and automatically sends signal to ERU-900 or CC-900., Water resistant for shower and bath., Provides up to 1,000 ft. of range.
Company: United Security Products, INC 
List Price: $125.00
Amazon Price: 
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Tags:   Automatic Transmitter

Charges in 5 minutes Provides 36 volts of emergency power when your car battery fails. StartMeUp2 is guaranteed to work if the starter clicks or the engine cranks too slowly to start. Simply plug in the patented StartMeUp2 into your cigarette lighter and in about 5 minutes your battery is charged and ready to go! Always Ready to GO StartMeUp2 is ready to use right out of the box. We require no pre-charging and no maintenance. No Jumper Cables Cables can be dirty, hard to use, and just plain scary! Even if you have cables and can find someone to give you a jump, the cables may not reach the other car. Safe For Your Car Cables and battery-based boosters can cause power surges that may damage your car's electrical and computer systems. But the microchip in StartMeUp2 eliminates electronic surges for safer jump starting. Palm Size Unit StartMeUp2's palm size design is small enough to fit right in your glove compartment so it's always there when you need it! Environmentally Safe StartMeUp2 contains no hazardous lead, mercury or cadmium. And the unit is completely disposable! Advanced Technology Other car battery chargers can take up to 45 minutes to work. Only StartMeUp2's advanced energy cell, power burst technology of 36 volts works safely and conveniently, in about 5 minutes, while you stay inside your car! Even a fully charged battery may not produce enough power in cold weather to start your car. While regular car batteries deliver 12 volts of power StartMeUp2 delivers a full 36 volts! StartMeUp2 provides extra energy that ensures the flow of power to your vehicle's battery, bringing your car back to life. Use while safely in your car This revolutionary new product allows you to jump your battery without ever leaving the safety and comfort of your car! No need to ask strangers for help. With StartMeUp2, you stay safely and comfortably inside your vehicle.

:  Don't wait for the auto club, don't ask for a stranger's help and don't leave the safety of your car!, Just plug in the StartMeUp2 into your cigarette or power port adaptor and be on your way in five minutes!, No jumper cables! Safe for your car., Palm sized unit!
Company: Automotive Energy Systems, LLC 
List Price: 
Amazon Price: $19.25
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Tags:   Start Auto Emergency Jump

Charges in 5 minutes Provides 36 volts of emergency power when your car battery fails. StartMeUp2 is guaranteed to work if the starter clicks or the engine cranks too slowly to start. Simply plug in the patented StartMeUp2 into your cigarette lighter and in about 5 minutes your battery is charged and ready to go! Always Ready to GO StartMeUp2 is ready to use right out of the box. We require no pre-charging and no maintenance. No Jumper Cables Cables can be dirty, hard to use, and just plain scary! Even if you have cables and can find someone to give you a jump, the cables may not reach the other car. Safe For Your Car Cables and battery-based boosters can cause power surges that may damage your car's electrical and computer systems. But the microchip in StartMeUp2 eliminates electronic surges for safer jump starting. Palm Size Unit StartMeUp2's palm size design is small enough to fit right in your glove compartment so it's always there when you need it! Environmentally Safe StartMeUp2 contains no hazardous lead, mercury or cadmium. And the unit is completely disposable! Advanced Technology Other car battery chargers can take up to 45 minutes to work. Only StartMeUp2's advanced energy cell, power burst technology of 36 volts works safely and conveniently, in about 5 minutes, while you stay inside your car! Even a fully charged battery may not produce enough power in cold weather to start your car. While regular car batteries deliver 12 volts of power StartMeUp2 delivers a full 36 volts! StartMeUp2 provides extra energy that ensures the flow of power to your vehicle's battery, bringing your car back to life. Use while safely in your car This revolutionary new product allows you to jump your battery without ever leaving the safety and comfort of your car! No need to ask strangers for help. With StartMeUp2, you stay safely and comfortably inside your vehicle. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:  Don't wait for the auto club, don't ask for a stranger's help and don't leave the safety of your car!, Just plug in the StartMeUp2 into your cigarette or power port adaptor and be on your way in five minutes!, No jumper cables! Safe for your car. Palm sized unit!, This is a one time use product
Company: Start-Me-Up2 
List Price: 
Amazon Price: $19.95
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Tags:   Auto Emergency Jump Start Battery

Emergency Response Planning outlines the essential roles of corporate and municipal managers and demonstrates the importance of their relationships with federal, state, and local government agencies as well as public and private community sectors. Author Paul Erickson, one of the leading experts in the field, focuses on proactively planning for emergencies, particularly in the recognition and advance coordination of response to incidents instead of simply implementing emergency measures.

The book is broken out into three sections. Section 1 outlines the overall scope of comprehensive emergency planning and discusses in detail the major elements that must be addressed in an Emergency Response Plan. Section 2 examines the types of hazards and risks faced by emergency response personnel, as well as the public, in typical emergencies, and provides specific recommendations regarding the immediate and long-term health and safety of emergency response personnel. Section 3 discusses a range of issues that must be given special attention in the development and implementation of any emergency response plan including: hazard and risk reduction, decontamination, data and information management, monitoring strategies and devices, terrorism, and the training of emergency response personnel.

* Helps you to develop and implement an Emergency Response Plan
* Provides specific recommendations regarding the immediate and long-term health and safety of emergency response personnel
* End of Chapter summaries and questions provide concise information on learning objectives and a review of important concepts

Author: Paul A. Erickson
Hardcover:  432 pages
Company: Butterworth-Heinemann  (2006-03-15)
ISBN: 0123705037
List Price: $72.95
Amazon Price: $56.99
Used Price: $57.45
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Tags:   Emergency Response Planning Corporate Municipal Managers Edition Butterworth Heinemann Homeland Security

The ultimate inside story of the Katrina tragedy—from the cofounder of the LSU Hurricane Center

After warning for years about the looming threat of catastrophic flooding in New Orleans, Ivor van Heerden was one of the highest-profile media experts during the Katrina disaster. Over the following eighteen months, he was even more prominent as he challenged the official version of those events and campaigned for an engineering plan that would protect all of southeastern Louisiana, once and for all. In The Storm, van Heerden lays out in full detail the stunning incompetence among the bureaucrats, the politicians, and the Army Corps of Engineers that culminated in the catastrophe that crippled, perhaps forever, a great American city.

Author: Ivor van Heerden, Mike Bryan
Paperback:  336 pages
Company: Penguin (Non-Classics)  (2007-07-31)
ISBN: 0143112139
List Price: $15.00
Amazon Price: $4.95
Used Price: $2.05
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Tags:   Storm Wrong Hurricane Katrina Inside Story Louisiana Scientist

Author: ICMA press
Hardcover:  360 pages
Company: International City/County Management Associat  (2007-12-30)
ISBN: 0873267192
List Price: $80.00
Amazon Price: $80.00
Used Price: $53.20
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Tags:   Emergency Management Principles Practice Local Goverment

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Tags:   Local Emergency Planning Committee City Corpus Christi Nueces

Local Emergency Planning Committees are quasi-governmental bodies, generally at the county or municipal level, in the United States. They do not function in actual emergency ... (more...)

Tags:   Local Emergency Planning Committee Wikipedia free encyclopedia

ABOUT LEPC 9. The Local Emergency Planning Committee (LEPC) of Caledonia and southern Essex counties is comprised of 24 communities with a population of approximately 33,000. (more...)

Tags:   Local Emergency Planning Commision

What is a LEPC? An LEPC (local emergency planning committee) is a gathering of representatives in your community that have an interest in hazardous materials safety. (more...)

Tags:   Local Emergency Planning Committee

What is the Local Emergency Planning Committee (LEPC)? Industries or agricultural sites that use, produce or store above a certain amount of extremely hazardous substances are ... (more...)

Tags:   Washtenaw County Local Emergency Planning Committee LEPC

Local response to any emergency, including pandemic flu requires extensive planning, organization and coordination with local, regional, state and federal officials. (more...)

Tags:   Local Government

Local Emergency Planning Committees (LEPCs) work to understand chemical hazards in the community, develop emergency plans in case of an accidental release, and look for ways to ... (more...)

Tags:   Local Emergency Planning Committee LEPC Database

Dane County LEPC Meeting Schedule. Member Directory. Minutes and Agendas. Mission Statement. Community Right-to-Know. Home Page. Dane County Emergency Warning System (more...)

Tags:   Local Emergency Planning Committee Dane County

Volunteer committee handling emergency preparedness, disaster management, fire, earthquake, flood, and spill response. (more...)

Tags:   Local Emergency Planning Committee LEPC

Local Emergency Planning Committee of Clinton County, Pennsylvania ... What is the Local Emergency Planning Committee (LEPC)? The Local Emergency Planning Committee (LEPC) of ... (more...)

Tags:   local emergency planning committee clinton county

I am needing a loan asap but i have bad credit due to medical bills i have applied for loans at local banks and credit unions i only need 1500.00 can anyone help me find a lender that's actually REAL and not some scam i am needing it asap its a family emergency MY credit score is a 400 something? (more...)

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Right now this deck does really good, but i want to have some other opinions and see if i can make it a tournament winner (locals, nothing big) Monsters: 19 3x Krebons 3x Psychic Commander 3x Psychic Snail 3x Mind Protector 2x Psychic Jumper 2x Power Injector 2x Destructotron 1x Mind Master Spells: 12 3x Emergency Teleport 3x Psychokinesis 2x Instant Fusion 2x Enemy Controller 1x Heavy Storm 1x Mystical Space Typhoon Traps: 9 3x Mind Over Matter 2x Psychic Overload 2x Psychic Rejuvination 2x Reckless Greed Extra Deck: 14 2x Goyo Guardian 1x Iron Chain Dragon 2x Psychic Lifetrancer 1x Blackrose Dragon (woot ghost rare!!) 1x Stardust Dragon 1x Red Dragon Archfiend 2x Thought Ruler Archfiend 2x Flame Swordsman 1x Cyber Saurus 1x Elemental Hero Mariner Side Deck: Not finished 2x Shadow Imprisining Mirror 2x Light Imprising Mirror 1x Reckless Greed 1x Giant Trunade et cetera Well, that's my deck. Any help is appreciated (more...)

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I'm just looking for other people's stories about how they managed to recover from mental problems, especially when isolated. I've been previously diagnosed with Tourette's (comorbid with OCD, depression and anxiety), BPD and purging disorder. I've gone through extensive treatment in the past, mostly for Tourette's (meds) and social phobia (CBT) which gets really severe when not being treated, but am currently not taking anything. I moved to Europe about 7 years ago for a relationship. The marriage ended about 1.5 years ago, after he became emotionally abusive and I found out he was torturing (and in one case killed) our pets. I had to move away, because I couldn't find housing in the city I lived (long waiting lists for rentals), and I feel sort of like I've been living out of my suitcase ever since. I tried to get medical help in my new location for managing all the original problems (now with PTSD and frequent panic attacks), but was told the waiting list was over a year, and I didn't have money at the time for private treatment. I was really bad off for awhile, but managed to get myself together enough for things to seemingly work out. I moved to a new country over the summer, and am seeing specialists now, but the process is very slow. I thought I was managing okay on my own when I first moved here. I found a great job offshore and felt like I was getting settled for the first time in a few years. Then my father was diagnosed with cancer back in the US, and I had to leave my contract to go back. After staying several weeks, I returned but had a message as soon as I landed that he had caught pneumonia and was very ill. I flew back the next day, only to find out he had died during the night, so I showed up for his funeral. The two emergency trips set me back thousands of dollars (which I didn't have, since I just moved countries, and unfortunately the airline doesn't offer bereavement fares) and I no longer had a job when I returned. I don't know anyone at all here, I speak a similar language (but have some difficulty with the local dialect, which makes finding new work less easy), and I have no close family or friends elsewhere. My family back in the US either a) has severe mental issues of their own or b) is abusive, and I just can't deal with their problems on top of mine right now. My father was the only one I talked with, and now that he's gone I just feel lost. I had nowhere to stay in the US anyway (so that wasn't an option), no history there (employment, education, credit etc), and I moved away so early (I was 20) that I feel like a complete foreigner. I'm here because I don't know where else to go, and don't have the funds to move elsewhere anyway. I'm living off savings currently, but it won't last forever. My father's death has really affected me badly, I feel very isolated, and then the job/financial difficulties on top of everything has made me feel pretty awful. I haven't really left my flat since I've returned, except to go to the doctor. Tourette's tics have worsened from anxiety, and I hate going out in public because of it. I've lost more weight than I should (about 15kg in 2 months). I just don't know where to start to change things, everything is unfamiliar and sort of overwhelming. I'm hoping the doctors can help in some way, but Tourette's makes me very sensitive to medications, so it's taken intensive treatment and a lot of time in the past to even get basic recovery. I don't think I've ever actually felt okay since I was a teenager. And the process, as I mentioned before, is sooo slow. My doctors are afraid to put me on meds because the only ones left to try have bad side effects (tricyclics and MAOIs) and they don't want to make the Tourette's even worse. What have others in similar situations done to make the necessary changes? How did you get back into the real world without support? Any tips at all would be appreciated. Please don't mention religion though, the country I live in is very agnostic so it's not a great place for social networking anyway. My ex was also the son of a pastor and very religious, and some of the abuse revolved around that, I really don't want to revisit those emotions right now. (more...)

Tags:   Question yourself rut question

Have just seen 2 ambulance personnel doing what appeared to be a weekly shop in the local supermarket. Coming home Police car parked in a lay by Officer reading the paper. Then we have firemen allowed to sleep on night duty. What are we paying these people for when they are clearly not working?. (more...)

Tags:   Resolved Question Emergency Services Earning

A local police station receives an average 8.1 emergency telephone calls per hour. These calls are Poisson distributed. The probability that the station will get nine calls per hour is: a.0.0408. b.0.1256. c.0.8744. d.0.3082. e.0.6918. (more...)

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If you needed to contact the emergency services in a different area in a REAL emergency (say you'd heard a relative collapse whilst on the phone) can you dial the area code followed by 999. If you just dial 999 you get local operator who can not transfer you. Just dialling 999 gives you the operator for your area, they can't transfer the call and they don't know the numbers outside of their area (more...)

Tags:   Question Dialling 999

if you ask for emergency number in au it is 000 in u.s.a. it is 911 also to find someting local only a local can answer (more...)

Tags:   Voting Question australian version answer questions answered country

Prologue A new england farmer's grave illness puts his small town into a state of panic.It will be up to the staff of the local emergency room to find the origin of the deadly malady,that will terrify an entire community. Chapter 1 Deadly grind "Going to church was a part of our life,it was a part of our family" says Alyssa Margesen,the farmers wife.It was a brisk sunday afternoon in April 2003.Alyssa Margesen rushes her husband to the emergency room,30 year old Eric Margesen is no stranger to the struggle for survival,as a famer he works long and hard to bring life to the ground,he has no idea that the life he struggles to sustain will be his own.After 4 hours of uncontrolable vomiting and diareha he is disturbinly weak.As docters checked up on him he was hypotensive,his blood pressure was low,his heart rate was high.The docter checks for dehydration due to long term vomiting,he was dehydrated alot."At first we thought it was gastrointenightis also known as the stomach flu"said Docter Remmes.They started the IV on Eric."If he respondes to the medicine then he can go home"explained Docter Remmes,"he seems to be headed that direction."Little did docters know this wasnt any ordineary illness,it wasnt the stomach flu.He was eating at his church but got naucious and went home for the comfort of a bed in his Newsweeden,Maine home.By night fall 11 people have fallen in the ER with the same symptoms as Eric,strangely they were people who attended the same church as Eric that day.There wasnt enough staff for the patrients because more and more came in.By 10:00 pm it has become an epidemic.Even though there have been several tests run on the patients,there were no answers. Chapter 2 Grounds for alarm "It could be food poisoning due to the high count of white blood cells."Docter Harrigan pointed out.Given these signs the ER staff immediatly run tests for the usual suspect,they look for scumbroctoids from the tuna sandwiches,which were surved at the church,they find nothing.They look for staffigtoxins from bad ham,also served at the church,but the symptooms dont match,but when they check for staffigalourges bacteria.One elderly pacient tests positive.Docter Harrigan discovers that everyone drank coffee there,the hospital staff questions every pacient about the coffee.They suspect bad well water.Docter Harrigan calls the nearest poison control center,100 miles away in Portland,Maine,but they get a long list of possible answers.Non match any pacients symptoms,leaving the investigation back to squere one.A couple hours later a police officer comes to transfer all the test results to hospitals all over New england.By late sunday night Eric is getting better he has stopped vomiting and his blood pressure was going back up.Thanks to the medication given and the IV fluids he's been given.About 10 minuets later Eric was discharged from the hospital because he was feeling better and the docters needed more room for patients.Then the call Docters had feared most,a pacient from the ICU has fallen into cardiacarrest.The mystery diagnossess has taken its first victim.Docter Harrigan wonders "Could this just be the begining?" Chapter 3 Bitter aftertaste The news of the pacients death scare the people of New Sweeden,Maine.Officials have to suspect the worst,food poison.The police question the people of New Sweeden and everyone is a suspect.Docter Remmes gets the test results and immediatly calls the Margesen's home and tells them to come back to the hospital.What the lab found was a stunning revelation,everyone of the church goers,including Eric has a chemical in their blood so toxic,its lethal dose is less then one asprin tablet.Alyssa takes Eric back to the hospital as Docter Harrigan and Docter Remmes make an antidote.Eric and the other paticents get the antidote.The police found that the church coffee was intentionally poisoned.Docters found the diagnoses,arsenek poisioning,if left untreated the victims could have organ failure,blindness and ultimatly,death.It is good the Docters found an antidote.The next person wheeled into the ER wasnt at the church that day,it was Erik and Alyssa's neighbor suffering from a gunshot wound.The neighbor dies before docters can question him,his death is ruled a suicide.In a note found at the scene he takes the blame of poisioning the church coffee with arsenek.He had an argument with some members of the church so he poisoned the coffee knowing everyone would drink it.Also on the note he says he wanted to make people sick,but not die.The death of the pacient was to much for his concious to bear,he was a friend of his also. Chapter 4 The light Today Eric Margesen is one of fifteen survivors of one of the largest arsenek epidemics in american history.Amazingly he bears no ill will towards the man who poisned him."I don't blame him for the poisoning though some people don't understand that."says Eric Margesen.Now Eric and Alys (more...)

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I'm just looking for other people's stories about how they managed to recover from mental problems, especially when isolated. I've been previously diagnosed with Tourette's (comorbid with OCD, depression and anxiety), BPD and purging disorder. I've gone through extensive treatment in the past, mostly for Tourette's (meds) and social phobia (CBT) which gets really severe when not being treated, but am currently not taking anything. I moved to Europe about 7 years ago for a relationship. The marriage ended about 1.5 years ago, after he became emotionally abusive and I found out he was torturing (and in one case killed) our pets. I had to move away, because I couldn't find housing in the city I lived (long waiting lists for rentals), and I feel sort of like I've been living out of my suitcase ever since. I tried to get medical help in my new location for managing all the original problems (now with PTSD and frequent panic attacks), but was told the waiting list was over a year, and I didn't have money at the time for private treatment. I was really bad off for awhile, but managed to get myself together enough for things to seemingly work out. I moved to a new country over the summer, and am seeing a doctor now, but the process is very slow. It took several months to get into the system (waiting lists, again), and I still don't have their official diagnosis and treatment recommendation, though I should get it in a couple of weeks. I thought I was managing okay on my own when I first moved here. I found a great job offshore and felt like I was getting settled for the first time in a few years. Then my father was diagnosed with cancer back in the US, and I had to leave my contract to go back. After staying several weeks, I returned but had a message as soon as I landed that he had caught pneumonia and was very ill. I flew back the next day, only to find out he had died during the night, so I showed up for his funeral. The two emergency trips set me back thousands of dollars (which I didn't have, since I just moved countries) and I no longer had a job when I returned. I don't know anyone at all here, I speak a similar language (but have some difficulty with the local dialect, which makes finding new work less easy), and I have no close family or friends elsewhere. My family back in the US either a) has severe mental issues of their own or b) is abusive, and I just can't deal with their problems on top of mine right now. My father was the only one I talked with, and now that he's gone I just feel lost. I had nowhere to stay in the US anyway (so that wasn't an option), no history there (employment, education, credit etc), and I moved away so early (I was 20) that I feel like a complete foreigner. I'm here because I don't know where else to go, and don't have the funds to move elsewhere anyway. I'm living off savings currently, but it won't last forever. My father's death has really affected me badly, I feel very isolated, and then the job/financial difficulties on top of everything has made me feel pretty awful. I haven't really left my flat since I've returned, except to go to the doctor. Tourette's tics have worsened from anxiety, and I hate going out in public because of it. I've lost more weight than I should (about 15kg in 2 months). I just don't know where to start to change things, everything is unfamiliar and sort of overwhelming. I'm hoping the doctors can help in some way, but Tourette's makes me very sensitive to medications, so it's taken intensive treatment and a lot of time in the past to even get basic recovery. I don't think I've ever actually felt okay since I was a teenager. And the process, as I mentioned before, is sooo slow. What have others in similar situations done to make the necessary changes? How did you get back into the real world without support? Any tips at all would be appreciated. Please don't mention religion though, the country I live in is very agnostic so it's not a great place for social networking anyway. My ex was also the son of a pastor and very religious, and some of the abuse revolved around that, I really don't want to revisit those emotions right now. (more...)

Tags:   Resolved Question yourself rut little support question

Star if you like Joke 1: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?" Joke 2: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ?That?s the ugliest baby that I?ve ever seen. Ugh!? The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ?The driver just insulted me!? The man says: ?You go right up there and tell him off ? go ahead, I?ll hold your monkey for you.? Joke 3: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. ?Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.?I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,? replies Watson. ?And what do you deduce from that?? Watson ponders for a minute. ?Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. ?Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?? Holmes is silent for a moment. ?Watson, you idiot!? he says. ?Someone has stolen our tent!? Joke 4: A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: ?Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.? The man then replies: ?Yeah, well we were married 35 years.? I didn't just pick them cause i like them... they arent even that funny but they really were voted the funniest in the world. Just look it up on google (more...)

Tags:   Resolved Question voted funniest jokes